Home for the Holidays… or Not Quite
The holiday season is often described as a time of togetherness like families gathering, friends reconnecting, and traditions taking center stage. But for many of us, this season also brings a quieter, more complex mix of emotions: joy tangled with nostalgia, gratitude mixed with grief, and the ache of missing people we wish could be with us.
This year, I spent Thanksgiving surrounded by my husband and his side of the family. They were a warm and lively group who made the day feel festive and full. While I genuinely enjoyed the laughter, the conversation, and the sense of belonging, part of my heart drifted toward my own family. I found myself wishing I could split the holiday in two and be everywhere at once. A few phone calls and shared details about upcoming celebrations helped close the distance, but I still felt that familiar tug of longing. I even caught myself reminiscing about loved ones who are no longer here and wondering what the holiday table would look like if they still were.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, celebrating in one place while emotionally anchored in another. So, I wanted to share a few ways to stay connected, even when you feel disconnected during the holidays, along with some self-care strategies to help you move through the season with gentleness and intention.
Not just my thoughts, but evidence-based ways to Stay Connected (Even When You Feel Disconnected)
1. Schedule Micro-Connections
Research shows that even brief interactions such as a text, a voice note, a 10-minute call can boost feelings of connection and lower stress. These “micro-connections” help maintain relationships when distance makes everything feel far away.
Try:
Sending a morning check-in
Sharing a photo of something that reminds you of home
Scheduling short weekly calls until the holidays are over
Small but steady beats big and infrequent.
2. Create Rituals That Bridge the Distance
Psychologists call shared rituals “symbolic connections” traditions that help us feel emotionally close, even when we’re physically apart.
Some Ideas:
Cook the same family recipe at the same time
Watch a holiday movie together-apart and text during it
Share one “memory of the week” in a family group chat
Light a candle in honor of someone who’s gone
Rituals connect hearts across time zones and dining tables.
3. Make Space for Grief Instead of Avoiding It
Grief researchers emphasize that missing loved ones who are still here or gone is a natural expression of love. Trying to suppress those feelings often makes the season heavier.
Try:
Looking through old photos
Writing down a favorite memory
Talking openly about the people you miss
Grief doesn’t cancel holiday joy; the two can coexist.
4. Embrace the Idea of “Dual Belonging”
It’s possible to enjoy the people you’re with while missing the people who aren’t there. Psychologists call this dual belonging holding multiple attachments at once.
Give yourself permission to think:
“I can be present here and still miss them.”
Both feelings are valid. Both can belong.
5. Practice Intentional Self-Care (Not Just Comfort Care)
Real self-care supports your mind and body so you can handle the holiday emotional rollercoaster with better resilience.
Self-care can include:
• Gentle movement
Even a short walk lowers stress hormones.
• Sleep consistency
Regular sleep strengthens emotional stability.
• Managing triggers
If certain social media posts spike stress, give yourself permission to step back.
• Setting healthy boundaries
Skipping an event, leaving early, or saying “not this year” is completely acceptable.
• Planning intentional downtime
A recovery day after big gatherings helps prevent burnout.
6. Reach Out Before You Feel Overwhelmed
Strong social support is repeatedly linked to better mental health, especially during emotionally loaded seasons. You don’t need to wait until you feel depleted to reach out.
Consider checking in with:
A sibling or cousin
A close friend
Someone who’s also grieving
A therapist or support group
Asking for help or sharing your feelings is a strength, not a burden.
7. Redefine the Holidays in a Way That Suits Your Life Now
Tradition is beautiful, but so is growth. You’re allowed to reshape the holidays based on what feels meaningful, nourishing, and doable for you.
You might choose to:
Start your own tradition (my favorite!)
Volunteer or donate in someone’s honor
Create a “quiet morning, busy afternoon” balance
Celebrate on a different day if that works better
The holidays don’t have to look the same to feel like holidays.
Relax
If this season brings mixed emotions, joy wrapped in longing, celebration softened by absence you’re not alone. Many of us are navigating the same blend of connection and distance. The good news is that there are countless ways to stay close, even when you’re physically apart, and to care for yourself along the way.
This year, I hope you feel connected in the ways that matter most, grounded in your own traditions, and comforted by the knowledge that your experience is valid, your feelings are real, and you have room for it all.
Healing hearts, minds, and relationships
LeCole Barnes, LCSW – Marryland Therapy & Consultation | North Little Rock, Arkansas | Online Therapy